Who is Rebecca Black?

Unless you’ve been living under a rather large, heavy rock boulder the past week, you will have no doubt heard of the latest Youtube craze which is, Rebecca Black’s song, ‘Friday‘.

I myself only learnt of this girl on Tuesday ‘coz her name was trending on Twitter big time, so I decided to delve deeper and discover what the hell was going on. Hello Google. And then hello disbelieving stare at laptop. What the HELL is this?

Incase you are indeed under a boulder, have a listen to her ‘hit’ song ‘Friday‘. Then read on.

Are your ears screaming? Did you want to punch the laptop as much as I did? Was it me, or did you too actually hear her sing ‘we we we so excited’ and ‘FUN FUN FUN’? And who the HELL was the dude that was blatantly 20 years older than her, rapping about missing the school bus? PEDO.

So who is Rebecca? Through alot of snooping on the internet, I have discovered the following facts.

Rebecca is thirteen years old, from Anaheim Hills, California (where bloody else.)  Her single was put on YouTube last Friday, and had 4,000 hits by the end of the day. Today, Saturday the 19th of March – only 8 days later, it stands at over 21 MILLION hits making it one of the fastest growing internet videos ever.

She is signed to a company based in LA called ‘ARK Music Factory‘. And the term ‘factory’ means more than you think. This company, writes songs for wannabe pop stars and gives them a video – if your Mom and Dad cough up the cash. The fee reported for your pop stardom is $2,000 – a price which appears quite small, so I’m guessing that’s a fictional number for the press. In reality, her parents probably had to buy Mercs for all employees of ARK, a unicorn and possibly their ticket into heaven.

But Rebecca is only one of many signed kids who dream to make it big with this company. And it’s only luck that her particular vid took off. A quick look to their website shows a list of videos by various young girls, all dreaming to make it big. Like Rebecca.

But whats most worrying about all of this, is how generic the music industry has become. Talent no longer equals success. Hard work no longer pays off. Because for a small fee, you can BUY your success! (I feel like one of those cash4gold websites.) Forget instruments – there’s backing tracks for that. Forgot meaningful lyrics, ‘coz sentences like ‘Gotta have my bowl, gotta have cereal” will suffice. And forget singing in key Rebecca, ‘coz there are synthesizers and auto tuning for that! Infact, the whole song is an auto tuned HELL.

Forbes magazine have put Rebecca’s success down to the power of social media, and its ability to create ‘overnight sensations’. Rolling Stone magazine have called the single ‘the worst song of all time’. Simon Cowell wants to meet her because, “Anyone who can create this much controversy within a week, I want to meet. I love people like that.”

And guess what? It’s #21 on itunes. Can’t you just see the sugar filled kids jumping up and down on their bed to this? Like, this shit is worst that anything Miley Cyrus can create. And I take back any bad word I said about the Biebs, give me him anyday over this wan!

Let the aural rape continue.

One thought on “Who is Rebecca Black?

  1. Siobhan

    She most definitely makes me prefer Bieber anytime! I had no idea who she was and kept forgetting to check until Friday (how apt!)… *shudder* wishing I could bleach it from my memory… That Baby song is a lyrical masterpiece next to this tripe!

    (Great post!)


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